Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
