He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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