I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
