so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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