hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
there's paper in my vomit.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
