If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
