Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
