I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
