im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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