i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
