When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
