The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
