We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
