remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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