she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
