In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
