I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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