did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
