we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
There's always time for handjobs
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
