I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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