He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
