i permit you to call me
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize