No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
