He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
