guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
