Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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