sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
