are you still at the devil's house?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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