Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i just made my gag reflex go away.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
