But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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