if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I supernannyed him into submission
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
