just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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