we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize