No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
