i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
