Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
