Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
