people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
