I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
