Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize