Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
