A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
