if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
