champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
