Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
