Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
