Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
