We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
