omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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