Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
A+ Viking dick
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize