Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
