I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
too bad you live with your parents still
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
