I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
