Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
