how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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