Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
