Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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