the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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