Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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