Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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