So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
