why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
