I got chris browned last night
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
