So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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