He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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