I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
