update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
