i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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