We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
