life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
