You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
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