It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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