So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
