Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
