Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
