Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
