you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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